i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
