I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
