I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
