The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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