the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
smell my finger.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
