I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
