If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
