i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
