Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize