Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
