Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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