So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
