Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
