I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
