Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
