i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
