i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
