sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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