All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish you could order shots online.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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