I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
