pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Life is so much better after having sex.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
