This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
