I love black thongs
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
