I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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