i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
