thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
