dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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