You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
