My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Randomize