someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
