I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
