If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
