My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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