You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
In America we eat man semen.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
