this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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