She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
