Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
