you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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