Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
