He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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