hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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