He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
