she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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