Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
