After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
