I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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