umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
there is glitter all over my balls
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
