Your face is a jimmy john
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
