I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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