You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
