Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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