Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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