My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
