We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
