I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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