Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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