loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
