Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
