oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
