Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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