Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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