why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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