no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
