it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
