Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize