Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize