so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
