I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
