I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
operation harelip BJ is a go
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
