Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i love accidental penises.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
