2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
