i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
