Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
